Vote for Joe Biden or We Will Keep Burning
The Washington Post, where truth dies in incontinent dishonesty and democracy is but a mere residue of what it used to be, published an op-ed written by a law professor named Rosa Brooks describing what will happen in various scenarios after the November election. Brooks reports, “A landslide for Joe Biden resulted in a relatively orderly transfer of power. Every other scenario we looked at involved street-level violence and political crisis.”
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh snap Mark, you bubbling cauldron of hilarity! Again, you enlighten us and make us laugh with that rambunctious satirical wit that somehow manages to capture the absurdity of leftist solipsism while at the same time deepening not only our political understanding but our overall enjoyment of life as well. You are so cool too.”
Actually, that is a word-for-word quote from the article and the article is real. Rosa Brooks says if we don’t elect the doddering relic of a currently mentally incapacitated and once second-rate politician, there will be more violence but I am pretty cool.
However, satire highlights absurdity so let’s go there now. Brooks goes on to say, “We consulted some of the most self-proclaimed accomplished intellectuals on the ground floor of our building, and asked them to imagine a series of election scenarios. We concluded that if Donald Trump wins, democrats will challenge the outcome by stopping the business of government completely through a bogus three-year investigation into some sort of interference and, when that blows up in their faces, they’ll move on to reacting hysterically to every little thing Trump does and even impeach him over absolutely nothing, again.”
“Finally, they’ll rapidly propagate more racial hysteria until their fellow leftists are peacefully destroying cities and gently terrorizing ordinary citizens. Spray paint, fiery projectiles and the ability to ruin lives without retribution are the tools of modern democrats.” she concluded. “So vote for Joe or we’ll burn this stupid country to the ground.”
When she finished writing the article, Miss Brooks set her hair on fire and ran through the halls of the former newspaper shrieking incomprehensible gibberish until the windows shattered, raining glass on the people below. The people enjoyed the spectacle and filmed it on their smart phones.
The Washington Post op-ed is the first in a series. Tomorrow’s sequel is entitled, “Vote for Biden or we’ll burn some more and this time we know where you live.”