Democrats are putting the finishing touches on their plans for the 2020 National Convention in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. After the opening ceremonial riot, there will be a 5-minute unmasking so that organizers can separate the looters from the other democrats. Democrat leaders will then dial 911 so that social workers can come put out the fires by politely asking arsonists if they can think of other ways to express their desire for equality and justice.

After that, conventioneers will move into the rubble of the convention center where everyone will take their seats on anything that isn’t smoldering or explosive. They will enjoy a presentation by Athena, once known as Albert, who will do a pole dance for justice, and additional pole dances for anyone that wishes to slip a ten-spot into her/his G-string or promises to do so in the future. Athena/Albert will be followed by a barbershop quartet of Never-Trumpers, singing beloved numbers such as “Irrelevance Never Forgets”, “I Used to Be Somebody” and “Hey, What Happened to My Influence”.

Next, Bernie Sanders will graciously endorse the nominee in a speech entitled “Better Half a Bowl of Crap then the Whole Damn Thing”. Then, one of the parties rising young stars, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, will appear on video preparing a vegan meatloaf while she describes her vision for a green America, powered by renewable energy sources such as happy thoughts, unicorn smiles and less cow farts. At last will be the grand appearance of Joe Biden, who will be shoved in the general direction of the stage where he will react in confused terror at the balloons dropping all around him before giving the first part of his speech, taking a nap, finishing his speech, supporting another riot, then promising money and riots for the next four years.