Negotiations have begun over the format for the 2020 presidential debates. The Trump Campaign is suggesting that the debates be carried out with a choice between broad swords or spiked maces and whoever has their head crushed or completely severed to be declared the loser and whoever ends up roaring in blood-drenched victory at the scarlet sky as having the right to paint his half naked body with the guts of their opponent and name himself Kratos, god of war.
The Biden Campaign conversely is requesting a focused debate lasting a total of 17 minutes or until the beginning of nap time, whichever comes first. The debate will be held in a window of Biden’s cellar, where his image will appear in a mask and sunglasses so that no one will notice when he is quietly replaced by a younger man, who can still speak a coherent sentence. The three moderators requested by the Biden Campaign include his day nurse, who he refers to as Nana, Mr. Willaby, who drives the ice cream truck in Biden’s neighborhood, and a relatively meek news anchor whose name they can’t remember at the moment.