Free Speech Threatens the Constitution
The New York Times, a former newspaper, has released a 56,000-word editorial opposing free speech in cases where people speak freely. The editorial was written by Times editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication III, who scrawled it on his silken napkin at the restaurant La Bernadette between an appetizer of seared Yellowtail Hamachi and a main course of warm Pinquito Crab on a bed of shaved cauliflower with just a hint of mustard cream sauce.
The editorial said, “For too long, America has given the right to speak freely to those who speak freely. This endangers our government by allowing speech that is simply not acceptable in any of the places where people speak. This was all well and good in the bad old days before people were easily offended, but now there are certain ideas that are absolutely settled, like the fact that a child's life doesn't begin until you're certain you can get the right decorator for the nursery, or that gender is not a restrictive matter of male and female but an exhilarating confetti blast of imaginative possibilities or that climate change is starting fires. You cannot just have such absolute truths undermined by the opinions of ordinary people, some of whom do not even live on the coast. Free speech should be speech that sets us free whereas hate speech should not be free because it is full of hate and hate is bad. As everyone who's anyone knows for instance, it's fine if you can book a qualified drag queen to do erotic dances for kindergarten children but once you start throwing around words like pedophiliac monster who will burn in hell for all eternity, things have gotten out of hand. Also, speaking about Hunter Biden, Mario Cuomo and a Russian Billionaire is not acceptable. We must get rid of the First Amendment and the Second Amendment and end the Electoral College and pack the supreme court. Otherwise, Donald Trump will simply ruin the constitution.”
The editorial contained 55, 748 similarly compelling words.