President and venal house plant Joe Biden held a Zoom meeting with Chinese communist tyrant Xi Jinping this week. The autocrat Xi called the three and a half hour meeting, “Another productive step in our ongoing efforts to lull America into passivity until we crush it beneath our iron heel.” House plant Biden said it was “Entertaining in parts but not as good as ‘Paris in Love’. That's a great show! When does that come on?”
Genocidal dictator Xi greeted President House Plant as, “An old friend” and the venal Biden responded by asking the Chinese oppressor, “How do you pronounce your first name? X I is that 11. What the hell kind of name is 11? Damn, you Chinese cats are hard to understand! You sound like the guy in my old laundry! He always wanted to plus my suit! I used to say bless my suit. What are you? The trouser priest? Why can't you just press it like an ordinary dry cleaner? Oh wait, they're telling me your name is pronounced she. Is that a name or a pronoun? You're not one of those girly boys are you? Man, in my day if you called yourself “she”, Corn Pop would take you out behind the barn! I always wondered what went on back there. I think Corn Pop was a little light in the loafers if you know what I mean!”
Despot Xi used the meeting with the American house plant to ask several questions he feels are central to his national program such as, “What will you and Jill be doing next Thursday evening while I'm conquering Taiwan? Have you read my script to the new James Bond movie where bond helps Britain become a Chinese colony?” and “I've heard American women are hot but mouthy. Do you think they'll mind being enslaved by our mighty warriors while we train your young men to wear dresses on Tick Tock?”
President House Plant also asked several questions including, “Where am I? Who is that on TV? Why is his face yellow? Does he have jaundice or something? Where am I?” and “Where is the damn remote? This show is boring. Can we watch ‘Paris in Love’ instead?”
Communication difficulties hampered agreement on some important issues. For instance, the totalitarian Xi agreed to take measures to prevent climate change as long as he didn't have to do anything about the climate. Of course, it was difficult to reach understanding on human rights which is pronounced in Chinese as a longish period of braying Hyena-like laughter.
The meeting ended on a cordial note with Biden giving Xi a hand drawing of a rhododendron to remember him by and Xi responding to the gesture by presenting Biden with a virus that will kill upward of 5 million people. Xi then invited Biden out to a bar where they could “Taiwan on”, which was followed by more braying Hyena-like laughter.