Mark My Words
Democrats Planning for 2024 Election
The Democratic party is already looking ahead to the next presidential election since Sleepy Joe will likely retire by then. Democratic national committee chairman Goofy T. Clueless says they have a deep pool of candidates who will stir up the same kind of enthusiasm and loyalty as Joe Biden. In an interview with his official president teddy bear, Mr. Clueless said, “I think we need to go back to the successes of the past. Remember Jeb!? How many candidates are so exciting that they have an exclamation point after their names? Not many, believe you me, if we can get a Democratic Jeb! into the game, I think we might run the entire gamut of punctuation marks which is something our voters care very passionately about.”
Democratic strategist Rick Wishes also chimed in issuing a statement from a bath filled with pieces of silver stamped “Vote for Joe” and saying, “Everywhere you look, voters are breathing a tremendous sigh of relief that the Hitlerian reign of Donald Trump is over. You can see them pouring into the street in their tens of thousands waving the Donald Trump flags that I am sure they are carrying out to the trash. I warned them about Trump's burning of the Reichstag, his authoritarian refusal to expand the power of the federal government and his corrupt gathering of wealth through betrayal and lies. Oh wait! That last one was me! Still, now that my warnings have come true, I'm sure CNN will be turning to me to ask how the Democrats can continue to move forward.”
Other establishment Democrats around the country have also contributed suggestions including a copycat ticket of Romney and the corpse of John McCain, although some object that the corpse of McCain lost when he ran last time. They're also considering the new campaign slogan “Don’t Vote Republican, they can’t destroy your country as fast as democrats”, and to generate some of that Trump-like excitement they're also looking at TV personalities like Billy Crystal, Mr. Ed and the tentacled mind flayer from Stranger Things.