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G7 Summit Highlights

Biden attends G7 Summit and blazes the trail for America's return

The American news media and other distributors of ostentatious deception are celebrating President Joe Biden's first trip overseas. The President began the trip by attending the G7 summit, which involves a group of world leaders who have pledged to pool their resources so that they will have enough money for a motel room when China takes their countries away. Whereas the media had seen President Trump's G7 meetings as divisive because Trump made the other leaders look like weenies, American journalists were absolutely ecstatic about Biden's G7 accomplishments which included finding his way back to his dinner table after he wandered off for no apparent reason, demonstrating comprehension skills by obediently following the often complex instructions from his wife like ‘Pay attention Joe’ and ‘Sit down’, and demanding the Russians stop meddling in the civil war in Libya, which is in Syria. The press also reeled with amazement as the president boldly signed some useless nonsense about the make-believe climate crisis and even managed to draw a picture of the sun with a smiley face before his wife took his crayons away.

The G7 weenies were delighted not to have scary, scary, Donald making them very, very, frightened anymore and said they were relieved that Joe Biden believed in the welfare state, supporting a system of government handouts and controls that has turned Europe into an old age home for young people. Emmanuel Macron of France said, “America is back!”, metaphorically using the word ‘back’ as meaning ‘being governed by a venal mental defective president’. Biden also had some stern words for Russian President Vladimir Putin, wowing reporters with his tough guy style when he said, “That Putin character better stop doing whatever it is they told me he's doing, or I don't know what will happen because it's not written down on this here paper!” Putin responded by issuing an official statement which said, “любовь”, which is Russian for ‘Have to love American weenies’.

The G7 leaders also united to issue a strong statement against Chinese aggression but the Chinese have not yet responded because they were too busy building seven more battleships, crushing the rights of the people in Hong Kong, throwing Uyghurs into concentration camps, and making the new Disney movie Wuhan, a sequel to Mulan. Whereas Mulan is about a girl who dresses as a boy to join the Chinese army, Wuhan is about American boys who dress as girls while the Chinese army takes over Taiwan.

After the G7 summit, Biden went on to a face-to-face meeting with Vladimir Putin which Biden declared a great success because Putin allowed him to go home in time for his afternoon snack and a nap. Putin said of the meeting, “любовь”.

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