Managing History in Modern Times
Leftists are cancelling the past because people did bad things there which were not as good as the good things’ leftists are doing now. Because of the values learned from the past, which will no longer exist, Presidential puppet Joe Biden has declared march the End of History Month, which will replace Women's History Month (which now must be accepted as Men Who Pretend to be Women’s History Month and so has become sexist and must be cancelled as well). Speaking to a statue of Thomas Jefferson that he mistook for his late aunt Gladys, the soon-to-be former President said, “We must renounce the history that has taught us to be virtuous to be as virtuous as the history taught us to be. By expunging all memory of everything that happened before yesterday, we will go into a new tomorrow. Actually, there won't even be a tomorrow because there will be no yesterday to compare it to and so it'll just be today forever and think how happy we will be then.”
Among the evil historical figures who will now be deemed non-existent will be such racist former humans as Abraham Lincoln. The hysterical leader of a white leftist twitter mob, White leftist Snowy R. White declared whitely, “When I think of how virtuous and anti-racist I am, Lincoln just can't compare. Sure, he freed the slaves and took a bullet to the head for his defense of liberty, but he never accomplished as much as white leftists like me, who just today tweeted insults at conservatives and pretended to like rap music when, let us face it, we all know it is crap. My hope is that we can cleanse America of its evil history of slavery so that everyone will finally be as sinless as I pretend to be and think how much money we'll save on reparations!”
Professor Bradley T. Grifter, who heads the school of critical race gibberish in the department of nonsensical studies at the university formerly named after slaveholder Eli Yale but now just represented by a gigantic googly-eyed clown face that may or may not be Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, says the theory behind cancelling the past is that it allows useless nebbishes like himself to pretend to be superior to people who accomplish things. Professor grifter said, “Equality is a central tenet of western culture so we must destroy western culture to achieve equality, which we would not even know is a good thing if it weren't for something I no longer remember. In addition, the beginning of this sentence has been canceled for taking place in the past. “
The democrat party and other criminal organizations say they hope that canceling the past will finally unite everyone in hating everyone else. Once we cancel everything that has occurred, we can better focus together on current hate in an integrated and inspiring manner of separation.